On the Menu Tonight: Grilled Sea-Kitten Steaks

I bet I'm not alone in suspecting that PETA really isn't as interested in the plight of neglected and mistreated animals as they are in proving publicly, over and over, what kind of hypersensitive, intrusive wack-jobs they are. This is a short article, so I won't make you click on a link:

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PETA: Spearfish school should be called Sea Kitten

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SPEARFISH, S.D. -- The activist animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has asked school officials to change the name of Spearfish High School to "Sea Kitten High School." The new name would "reflect the gentle nature of its current marine namesake," the organization said in a letter to Steve Morford, Spearfish High School principal.

PETA said the letter is part of a new Sea Kitten campaign aimed at children.

If children were taught to refer to fish as "sea kittens," reflecting that fish, like cats and dogs, are "individuals" that "do have friendships," fewer fish might be killed for food or sport, said Pulin Modi, a PETA spokesman.

"We want people to realize that more fish are killed each year than all animals combined," he said. "They don't have the sympathy of more popular animals like cats and dogs."

Morford said he did not want to share his feelings about PETA. "Obviously, it's nothing we're taking seriously," he said.

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Principal Morford should be careful in being so dismissive of such radical and progressive demands, lest the hemp-wearing, lobster-fondling, vegan leadership resort to their next line of defense: shrill name-calling while stomping their bony, papyrus-sandal-clad feet.

I think PETA is actually only something. Let's start referring to fish--the same fish that supply tasty tuna, succulent salmon, and hearty halibut, as "sea kittens," and then Americans will start cooing as they cradle a slimy, flopping, glassy-eyed creature that looks like a giant intestinal parasite and take it home and buy a fluffy bed a jeweled collar for it, despite the fact that fish have no necks.

I also think it's fabulous that in a society with millions of homeless cats and dogs of the non-scaled, non-swimming kind, PETA finds it worthwhile to attempt to indoctrinate schoolchildren on the intelligence and sensitivity of animals you can flush.

In the same spirit, I think we should also go back to calling manatees "sea cows," because I bet they make a tasty burger.