Today we bring you a lighter topic: juvenile crime. According to a University of Pennsylvania study, boys with unusual names are more likely to become juvenile delinquents.
Cue Johnny Cash.
Of course this begs the question, what about girls? The researchers in this story studied only male juvenile delinquents; it would be interesting to know whether their results apply to girls. I would venture a guess, though, that girls with unusual names are more likely to engage in the female version of delinquency--that is, teen pregnancy.
Considering the cost to society of juvenile crime and single motherhood, this study practically demands that we immediately enact measures to deter parents from giving their offspring such names as Dawnderamus, Tanjaniqua, and Adolf Hitler. Perhaps there should be an additional tax exemption for every young John, James, Mary or Sarah, or we could fine people according to the PNIs of their children's monikers. "Percy? Okay, that's $300. Abednego? Um, hang on...say, you're not real attached to your second kidney, are you?"
Also, we should all wonder what's in a name like Barack.
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