Left-wing Princess Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, whose married name has been strangely absent from the media since she announced her aspiration to the senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton, has finally realized how she can best serve America: by staying the hell out of politics. In a show of selflessness not displayed by a Kennedy since, um...well, I can't think of any, but give me a break, okay? I was born during the Reagan administration. Anyway, in an extremely unprecedented move, Mrs. Schlossberg relinquished her self-claimed entitlement toward a position that she is grotesquely unqualified to hold. She may not deserve a high-profile government appointment, but she deserves the nation's thanks, and to scurry back into as much obscurity as she can retain considering her parentage.
Some realists have proposed, with appropriate trepidation, that Mrs. Schlossberg is actually interested in a juicier plum--the position soon to be vacated by her homicidal drunk of an uncle. However, as the state that elected Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, and Barney Frank, Massachusetts' governance could actually be improved by gross incompetence and conceit. In fact, she would fit right in! She couldn't possibly make it any worse. And as the election of Obama shows, isn't that really all we expect of our government?
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